persons have visited this site since May 10, 2002
~ 2003 Form ~
"Tolerance is knowing the other person has the
same spirit in them
and being curious about what that spirit is trying to do."
N.A. Foundation
Group - Marietta - May 2000
Moreland, Georgia Edit October 2001
N.A. Foundation Group of Smyrna - January 2003
It is one thing to say you care about someone; it is another to sit down and take the time to listen to them. Listening is a powerful tool for helping. Imagining we are writing down what a person is saying is one way to actually hear their voice, and not our own expectation. An amazing number of people know what their answers are; they just don't have anyone who cares. This lack of attention and caring has been recognized as a killer of small children who are overlooked in orphanages or special situations where they don't get enough outside stimulation. Their death is expressed this way, "They fail to thrive." Being social creatures, our need for caring is biological. We need a simple touch or human contact. Spiritual growth cancels out the negative in us and fills us with the positive. Many addicts develop aversions that keep others at a distance. We want to be left alone, though we are lonely. When we begin to feel more secure about ourselves, our fear of others is lessened. It takes time to develop calm. We can withstand bad behavior in others without being drawn into their circle. We lose the fear of being like them. A bad idea is just a bad idea, not a total threat to our existence. Standing apart from old ways, literally as well as metaphorically, we can look at the world and other people in a more open and honest manner. Very often, we will find our missing parts lying on the ground around our feet. We couldn't find them because we never slowed down enough to take a close look. Our pain makes us over-react to bad behavior in others.
In recovery we are constantly developing our ability to tolerate others. We learn part of this by developing a tolerance for our own inadequacies. In NA, we find the people who can share their pain and growth. We also find a lot of people who are going through almost exactly the same things we are at any given time. All we have to do is get to enough meetings and share honestly the nature of our pain. Someone may come up to us after a meeting or over coffee and check out what we meant when we were sharing in the meeting. By exploring the reality of others, we gain something in our own reality.
Tolerance, as a spiritual principle, does not force or require us to put up with wrong doing or a dangerous, criminal or really insulting person. It simply frees us to decide what we want for ourselves. Often, tolerance seems like it would limit us or habituate us to merely not reacting to bad behavior in others. Not over-reacting is spiritual tolerance. It means we have more say over our lives and how we live.
Some of our personal wrongdoing may consist of using others without their consent or knowledge for selfish gain. Our Fellowship is a great churning mass of such problems. It is probably one reason why NA works for us so well. It gives us a chance to see ourselves and the games we play in others. A real paradox is met head on when we attempt to be useful without being used.
In service, where all of our principles have application, wrongdoing consists of setting up elections, falsifying minutes, presenting misleading documents, biasing reports, especially on matters dealing with group conscience, stealing or misapplying funds, and any other actions that would betray or dispirit those who entrust us to serve them.
Where we see these things, we should act as if we are helping difficult children who, while we may love them dearly, are capable of great mischief. The loving spirit often provides us with interesting alternatives in response to actual, verified wrong doing. We don’t savage them, we find ways to help. Tolerance is not just being passive though it is the principle that frees us from acting badly just because someone else is. The time we gain by this can be spent working towards real lasting solutions.
Our principle of tolerance in principle helps us make sure what we perceive is actually happening. If a real disorder is involved, others will see it also. We never have to be alone in NA. Most all problems are repeat performances of past events with new names and faces involved. As a Fellowship, we have withstood such an array of sabotage and disorder that in truth we have little to fear. As individuals, we avoid traps that may threaten or sour our recovery by praying, consulting other members and then acting on faith to help make things better.
Our tolerance level may be too great in some areas. It is well to remember our past and seek positive action than to drift into not caring. We care enough about each other to tell them the truth. Being honest is not intolerance. If you find yourself feeling defeated or alone, reach out to someone for help. You cut a fear in half when you share it with just one other person. If we politely let someone know how we feel, it may help them. They may be carrying on habits from active addiction without realizing how offensive they are.
Probably nothing has helped us work on our individual ability to tolerate others than our explosive growth. As the density of our meetings increases in any given area, the system of recovery shared out from those who have it to those who need it becomes increasingly complex and sensitive. Members must find ways to remain anonymous yet play key roles. This is dangerous if you see yourself as the doer and not your Higher Power. Manipulation of others to achieve our ends is invasive and dishonest. There was a time, not long ago, when NA as a whole, was glad to have just one more meeting in a whole state and just one more member in regular attendance. Tolerance is natural when you feel you need someone or their recovery is important to you. When we are stronger in numbers, we may get weaker in tolerance. This is where individuals can play a big helpful role.
Today, in N.A., we have so many people, so many ideas and varieties of experience that it can seem overwhelming! Even with the commonality of our desire for recovery, we have need of tolerance just to watch it all go by.
1.24.03
persons have visited this site since May 10, 2002
Reprinted from the
N.A. FELLOWSHIP USE ONLY
Copyright � December 1998
Victor Hugo Sewell, Jr.
N.A. Foundation Group
2692 Whitehurst Drive NE
Marietta, Georgia 30062
[email protected]
gratefully powered by ezweb.net
All rights reserved. This draft may be copied by members of Narcotics Anonymous for the purpose of writing input for future drafts, enhancing the recovery of NA members and for the general welfare of the Narcotics Anonymous Fellowship as a whole. The use of an individual name is simply a registration requirement of the Library of Congress and not a departure from the spirit or letter of the Pledge, Preface or Introduction of this book. Any reproduction by individuals or organizations outside the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous is prohibited. Any reproduction of this document for personal or corporate monetary gain is prohibited.
Last update September 29, 2005