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Betrayal
Since NA is a healing society, we respect pain and alleviate suffering. It is understood that our members are sick and need help. This means we have built in safeguards not stated and not clearly known to protect both the giver and receiver of spiritual help. In these times, it is good to keep your own counsel and avoid taking sides. If one side tries to pressure you into negative action, remember the law of karma insures you will receive ten times what you send out. Before getting drawn into someone else�s circle, we ask, �What was the result of fear-based action in my past?�
Coming from a disease of isolation, most of us are ill equipped to take care of ourselves when we find someone attacking us. The first instinct is to retaliate and attack in turn. This makes us reactionary to someone else�s behavior and if that someone does not wish us well, it works to help them attack us. If we allow ourselves to slip into anger, we become their pawn. We may fall all over ourselves trying to placate and meet the demands of the other without realizing that the early demands lead to more demands. When dealing with an adversary, this only fuels the fire. They will likely use our attempt to reconcile as some type of evidence that we were somehow in the wrong� positive motives and actions would go against their negativity.
It is better to hold actions and responses in reserve while praying and meditating. Often a simple way out will appear before us. Almost all addicts who are getting into the clean life will struggle and fall into these traps. Enough blind alleys and wasted time and energy will teach us the error of our ways. Futility is a fact of life. The recovery process will guide us past these pitfalls if we continue to focus on working the 12 Steps of NA.
Especially when we withhold negativity, our attacker will get even more angry. In their pain and anger, they will imagine we are only behaving well so we will look good. We should remember that their pain and anger is real and they will do us serious injury if they can. So, it is like dealing with a dangerous animal.
Fear creates patterns of attack and retaliation. One of the best tactics when betrayed is to simply withdraw contact. First ascertain that the threat is real by fact finding but then, don�t feed into the negativity. Negativity cannot feed itself. It must labor to find positive energy from positive people. It cannot create anything worthwhile. Allowing oneself to be drawn into association only results in lessening of energy, pain and confusion. While some care must be exercised in this, you will never be condemned for not attacking in return. If action must be taken, let it be of the firm and resolute sort, not giving a blow for a blow and so helping to initiate and maintain the violent struggle.
The study of karate provides good examples of this. Let the opponent attack you, step aside and perhaps give them a little push to help them along their way. By not allowing anger to enter in, the clear state of mind is preserved and actions need not damage the opponent beyond exhausting them and convincing them of their folly. Of course, they will not like this and seek to further vindicate themselves from responsibility for their actions as they continue to attack and cause damage.
A lesson from service is important here: we do not help others until they ask for that help because if we do, they will attack us as soon as they get on their feet. They will take the help as an insult. Until they ask for help you can contribute your presence only but maintain your own focus and spiritual center because being near them will be like being in a whirl pool and they will try to suck you into their reality. If necessary, tell them they must ask for help in words before you can help them.
We come to that which we place our minds on. If we are envious or jealous of others, we will never find peace or joy in what we already have. We will endlessly feel less than the other person and imagine that if we could somehow get what they had, we would be ok.
In the world of addicts, one reality we have to learn to face is betrayal. With a disease characterized by isolation, we learn that �keep coming back� means we never fully recover and we always need to maintain our spiritual condition by healthy interaction with other clean addicts. Hiding our pain, pulling away, failing to seek our answers, attributing false motives to those who would help us are ways we do this.
There is an ancient text that tells the story of an old king with two sons. To maintain their territory and protect their farmers living on distant borders, the king sends his eldest son, the heir to the throne, out with the kingdoms army to wage war against a hostile incursion. The task takes years. In the meantime, the old king dies and the second son becomes the pretender to the throne. It is only fitting that he attend to the royal functions and duties of ruling in the absence of his brother. But he becomes accustomed to the glory of rule and the trappings of kingship. Although the members of the court and the people know the eldest son is ruler, it is beyond their power to do anything to oppose the acting ruler.
The story begins when the distant war is ended successfully and order is restored. On returning to the central city, the eldest brother realizes he is going home to fight another war. It was different when he could fight an honest enemy intruding on the hereditary soil and committing atrocities. But this new war would be cousin against cousin, teacher against student: all relatives and all loved. He has his war chariot drawn up between the two armies and looking at the faces before and behind him, he collapses and asks God to take him and let these others go.
God responds by telling him that the eternal spirit in all these warriors will never die, cannot die in fact. Further, he tells him that even if death of the soul were possible, it would be better to die fighting and doing ones duty than to go out ignoble and be called a coward by those who understand little of loving a large mass of people. Thus ensues the ancient tale.
In the end, the brother raises his head and says that he understands now and will go forth to battle without hatred in his heart but only willingness to do that which God places before him. While some will know this tale, it is enough to consider the elements and think of where you fit into the story of your life. Are you doing your duty or invading the province of another.
Addicts dissociate their feelings when cutting ties to friends and relatives. Addictive disease makes it necessary that they do this because on deeper levels they realize that if they are fully conscious they cannot act so badly. Their egos hold them in abeyance. So, they begin to fabricate a new reality � one that allows them to do their will. They collect negative potentials and justifiers that make them feel empowered. They enjoy the heady feeling of personal power. It is like a drug to them: dulling their senses and mangling their lives all the while making false promises that will not be honored.
With addiction, we do ourselves in by ignoring our better instincts and inducing good feelings with drugs and substitutes. Without the drugs, we learn to manage our own moods and make our own peace with God and life. If we are clean and betray our own conscience it causes us to feel the �wrongness� of our actions. This is good. But if we fight the healthy curb on our egotistical drives and seemingly justified bad behavior.
Bureaucratic betrayal is the worst kind. Trusted to help and provide for a population who has not
direct access to the overview are easily manipulated and controlled, even pitting loyal members
against one another in futile struggle and conflict.
The people native to North America were not just pushed off their land. They were subjected to a program of genocide wherein they were forced to give up their last names. The invaders even denied them a surname like Smith or Williams. They were given first names like Bill, Bob or Luke for last names.
Their women were raped to create children of mixed blood to wipe out the genetic inheritance of the people. Their Children were taken to group schools and their parents denied the right and ability to raise them in a traditional manner. Those who sought to help them were confounded with bureaucratic misdirection. Even though this went on for generations, there are those who support their struggle for identity and the real history of their people.
Misuse of law, betrayal of the basic tenets of human civilization and downright cruelty will eventually yield up to correction. Mankind has always struggled to come to terms with the dark side. There are those who will not rest until all such wrongs are righted.
As the desire and envy grow, a willingness to be underhanded grows with it. Soon, we will begin to make up reasons to justify our actions and once we cobble together enough lies and half truths to get going, we will begin or attack. As we gain momentum, we become that which we fear in the other person. While difficult, it may be possible to find some high ground in the situation and thereby avoid unwonted retaliation and defensive action that might cause harm or injury to the attacker. Usually they will wear themselves out in a little time and seek another target for their negativity.
Ignorance is dangerous because ignorant individuals experience failure and if someone knows better, they appear to be an enemy. By being in the know, the ignorant feel put upon and unfairly disadvantaged. The movement of knowledge takes time and many personal opinions and adjustments must be made along the way. This is what makes surrender and the desire for recovery so important to our membership.
The ignorant betray out of projection of their own pain and guilt. They cannot help this and those who make themselves available to help must be constantly on guard against projection and misinterpretation.
Finding and maintaining your spiritual connection, conscious contact, is the best source of guidance you can get. Human beings are set up to respond to their inner being � indeed this is probably what really separates us from animals. Of course some animals have amazing abilities, and kindness is not unknown even among animals! If we allow ourselves to focus on an adversary, we may find our only visible options are to respond to the attack. By distancing ourselves, we may find many ways to make ourselves a less desirable target or a target more difficult to hit. Real love is the greatest revenge.
We get with our sponsors, discuss issues with our friends and read any helpful literature. Our study of NA history tells us of the results of rushing off half cocked and ready to fire. We are not good at patience and tolerance. Giving people time to study and sort things out, we come to better conclusions - better for us all. This is where our common welfare comes from.
Selfless service is not done with any thought of reward or recompense. If there is recompense, credit or reward involved, it is selfish service. NA has long been a tremendous repository of positive energy coming from the gratitude of tens of thousands and then hundreds of thousands of recovering addicts.
Washington DC - December 31, 2005
persons have visited this page since October 27, 2005
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N.A. FELLOWSHIP USE ONLY
Copyright � December 1998
Victor Hugo Sewell, Jr.
N.A. Foundation Group
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All rights reserved. This draft may be copied by members of Narcotics Anonymous for the purpose of writing input for future drafts, enhancing the recovery of NA members and for the general welfare of the Narcotics Anonymous Fellowship as a whole. The use of an individual name is simply a registration requirement of the Library of Congress and not a departure from the spirit or letter of the Pledge, Preface or Introduction of this book. Any reproduction by individuals or organizations outside the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous is prohibited. Any reproduction of this document for personal or corporate monetary gain is prohibited.