persons have visited this page since April 20, 2006
~ 2006 Form ~
CHAPTER TWENTY
THIS INPUT FOR THIS CHAPTER
ONLY -
IF YOU WISH TO PARTICIPATE, LOCATE THE NUMBER OF THE PARAGRAPH
WITHIN THE MAIN DOCUMENT DISPLAYED ON WWW.NAWOL.ORG
AND SEND WITH COMMENTS AND TITLE OF CHAPTER TO
Foster
Parenting
Parenting as an addict is an exercise in compromise, growth and fear.
Foster parenting the children of addicts is often like being on a trampoline
that has barbed wire covered with electric fence wiring, and you feel like
everyone is watching and laughing.
As an addict in recovery, foster parenting, every day, is an act
of blind faith. You must believe that if you try to control the system you work
with, the child in your home who is acting out on what was learned while living
with an active addict, if you try to control the recovery of the parent who lost
the child you are caring for, your life will become unmanageable. Since I am
unable to control it, I must believe that my Higher Power, who I choose to call
Creator, will watch our for those children until they can find a Higher Power of
their own. I must make a decision, daily, to turn my will and my life, and their
will and life, over to the power greater than us all, and trust that blind faith
will prevail.
I am an addict, my name is Gail G. and at this writing I have just
over 20 years clean and have been a foster parent to 57 children over the past
five years. I can not think of a single child who I have live with me that did
not come from, directly or indirectly, a family like we came from. From the
youngest to the oldest, they showed their addictive behaviors, their people
pleasing skills, their ability to manipulate every situation, their need for
creative venues in order to survive, and their elasticity in showing that they
could take a beating, often not just figuratively, and bounce back. Once again
proving that addicts are strong, versatile and hard to kill or keep down.
As a foster parent, I am dealing with the system (Child Protection
Service and the Courts), the children, their doctors and therapists, their
psychiatrists and support councilors, their teachers and mentors, their
biological parents, previous and future foster parents, and their past, present
and future. And all this, without directions.
If I could convey any message I wanted to the biological addict
parent who lost their child along the way, it would be this. While you may never
be able to atone for what was done, or not done, in some cases, while you can
never have a magic �do over,� while it may be the hardest items you put down
on your forth and eighth Steps, you will eventually forgive yourself. I tell my
kids that their parents are addicts; they suffer from the disease of addiction
for which there is no know cure. It can however, be arrested at some point and
there is always hope that the parent will find love, surrender and guidance in
the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous.
I have never been a biological parent; a situation I blamed God for
quite often. When I found a loving power greater than myself, Creator, I came to
believe that just as I lived through my addiction to help another addict, I had
not had children of my own so I could be there to help the kids caught in the
cross fire � yours. From teaching these kids daily grooming and hygiene
habits, to homework, dating, nightmares and bathroom accidents, I have loved
each and every one, each and every step. And with each, I plant a seed � a
seed of love, hope, nourishment, cherishment, delight, wonder, self-esteem,
hope, a future and the possibility of life without drugs.
I plant these seeds, and I water them with hugs and kisses. I
nourish them with action, with direction, with purpose. And I never see them
bloom. On the rare occasions , I see them take root, start to grow and then the
child moves on. I am often blessed with having that adult child contact me
again, once the system is not controlling Life, and that child contacts me, and
I see that my seed did sprout, into a beautiful and wonderful adult.
But I must express, while I have the voice and the audience, that
this is truly the hardest job I have ever undertaken in my life, either when
using or clean. To love someone so unconditionally, to open my heart so
completely, to welcome and crave the unconditional love from that child, is
truly a gift from Creator. As is
the pain that comes when it feels my heart is being ripped from my chest with
each and every child that leaves. I act brave, and say all the right things for
the system. I use the Steps, and I am direct and honest, except when to do so
will injure them or others, and so I say what must be said and what I hope, in
blind faith, will come to be true, and I let that spirit and little body go,
back to the system. Then I wonder, once again, why I open myself up for this
heart wrenching, gut twisting, soul crushing pain.
And then I see the smile in my mind�s eye, I feel the little
hand holding mine, I remember the warmth of a good night embrace and that sweet
little kiss on my cheek and I remember. I did this for the child. For the
wonderful person they will someday be. I did this for their parents, who are
trying to find recovery and who may or may not make it, I do i for my fellow
addict. Mostly, I do this for me. Balance, that is what I have been taught on my
spiritual path following Creator � balance. To know the love, I must walk
through the pain. To know the truth, I must wade through the lies. To be warmed
by the sunlight of recovery, I must remember the darkness of my disease.
I really don�t like feeling the bad parts, but I would not trade
them for anything if it meant loosing those hugs, that love and the wondrous
gift that Creator has bestowed upon me, the ability to Let Go and Let God do his
job.
Mitakuye Oyasin - All
my relations � I ask that Creator watch over you, that your children find
someone who understand recovery and will love your child, then let them go as
their path decrees. I have survived another day, I have lived today without
using, even though my heart hurts deeply right now, for I have just experienced
again that true and trusting love, and another child has left my home, but never
my heart.
Grateful to be in recovery today, a loving addict ...Gayle G. March 2006
persons have visited this page since April 20, 2006
Reprinted from the
N.A. FELLOWSHIP USE ONLY
Copyright � December 1998
Victor Hugo Sewell, Jr.
N.A. Foundation Group
1516 B Live Oak Drive
Tallahassee, Florida 32301
[email protected]
All rights reserved. This draft may be copied by members of Narcotics Anonymous for the purpose of writing input for future drafts, enhancing the recovery of NA members and for the general welfare of the Narcotics Anonymous Fellowship as a whole. The use of an individual name is simply a registration requirement of the Library of Congress and not a departure from the spirit or letter of the Pledge, Preface or Introduction of this book. Any reproduction by individuals or organizations outside the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous is prohibited. Any reproduction of this document for personal or corporate monetary gain is prohibited.