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CHAPTER
SIXMany
of us arrived in NA filled with fear. We felt alone and unique. We were
desperate and had been unable to find a solution on our own. We had been in a
battle for our lives. We had fought to maintain our habit and struggled to hold
on to some semblance of normalcy. We began to desire change even when we knew it
was impossible. It could have been the threat of jail, loss of a job,
disintegration of our family, an attempted suicide or witnessing the death of
another addict that gave birth to this desire. We felt that we just could not
live this way anymore. At some point, we looked at ourselves and could not
believe what we had become. We were no longer a complete person rather only an
empty shell of our former selves. We were heartsick and ashamed and we looked
for a better way. While our using experiences differ, our common denominator is
that the process of recovery is the same for all of us. This is all the more
remarkable because our drugs of choice are different, our backgrounds are
different, our educational levels and work skills are different, but recovery
remains the same. The same 12 Steps of NA work for us all. Surrendering to the
truth, no matter how painful, is the basic building block of our recovery.
When
we show up to claim our lost lives, we get them back but they are probably in
need of repair. Recovery is about changing, so we listen and become willing to
use suggestions. If we don't work the program, the program does not work. As we
grow in recovery, we regain our ability to see clearly by degrees. There are
several ways to look at a person's existence. For years now, the members of
Twelve Step programs have known we were sick in the areas of sex, security and
society. In time, we realize that these relate to lust, greed and pride and
relate to our personal state, stature and status. Our state of being, our
stature of holdings and our standing within society seem like so many words
until we realize they are the very things we will sell our souls for - or get
loaded over.
Living
clean was a whole new concept to us. It took time, effort and a sincere desire
to adapt ourselves to the many changes. Some members disagree with 'sincere
desire' but we only mean that sincere desire results in recovery. This is no
game or war of words. For addicts desperate enough to seek recovery in NA, it is
life or death. When we reach our individual point of desperation, we open
ourselves up to the Program of NA. We will have many choices in the discovery
and identification process. As we pursue the willingness to be a part of this
process, we gain new insights. When we are face-to-face with our addictive
desires, a commitment to spiritual principles can re-establish our faith. We
shall face many traps at all stages of recovery but spiritual principles will
bring us rewards beyond our imagination. We constantly rediscover God present
and helpful in everything we do. There is a saying, "The further away you
are from God, the more God seems to be an enemy. The closer you get to God, the
more you realize God was your only true friend all along."
In
recovery, we learn to rely on our Higher Power and NA members who are practicing
the NA way of life. We don't do this all at once; we begin with surrender and
admission of our need for help in Step One. It all comes from admitting we are
powerless over our addiction and that our lives have become unmanageable. We may
not know entirely what this means, but when we make the admissions,admissions;
we notice immediate and lasting relief. We need the experience, love,
understanding and support of other clean addicts to begin the practice of this
program daily. We must study the spiritual principles of Narcotics Anonymous and
learn how to apply those principles in our lives. We must find a Higher Power -
whether it is an ideal or a supernatural being makes no difference. Many
atheists and agnostics are among our members. As long as we believe - it will
work for us. Find something to believe in that is
lovingloves
and cares about your well being. When we first came to NA and stopped using
drugs, we found that we needed our fellow members in much the same way that a
newborn needs its mother. This is a matter of survival! The only difference
between the infant and us is that we don't outgrow this need.
"Today,
I understand the nature of my disease in a much different light than when I
first came through the doors looking for a way to "get off drugs." As
long as simply �not getting loaded� was the foundation of my recovery, my
disease then had hundreds of options remaining that it could use to keep me
sick.
"I
couldn't grasp the idea that a person who wasn't loaded could still be in active
addiction through acting on the obsessive and compulsive nature of this disease
in other areas of their lives. I thought that clean time equaled recovery -
period! Today, I understand completely that recovery cannot exist without
abstinence. However, it took a while for me to understand that I was not in
recovery simply because I was no longer doing dope.
"Recovery
is possible only when we work the Steps. It starts with the willingness to let
go of my old ideas. As long as I see drugs as the problem, I remain in that old
addictive pattern of blaming someone or something outside of myself for how I
act and how I feel. From that viewpoint, it seems natural to continue using
things outside of me as the solution to those problems. This way of thinking is
at the root of addiction and I must surrender if I am to have a chance at true
recovery."
This
period of our recovery often precedes a spiritual awakening. While we know on an
intellectual level how the Steps work, we probably have not experienced the
miracle at a deeper level yet. We may find ourselves having a jaded view toward
newcomers and people who relapse repeatedly. We find ourselves talking to them
about recovery yet we may not really expect them to stay clean. Some of us have
gotten clean just to 'show' someone! Some of us view structural service as an
arena to debate our points of view and provide us with stimulating mental
exercise. We try to interpret the Traditions and past policies much like a judge
reviewing law before rendering a verdict. We may continue this way until someone
points out that the Traditions, like the Steps, are not laws that can be broken,
but spiritual principles meant to guide us when we don't know what to do. They
are our goals for spiritual growth.
We
battle to understand that we have the right to self-inspection. We don't fight
each other or outsiders, we find our own disease. Our disease can convince us
that spending time finding a belief that works for us, doing an inventory, or
making amends is the ultimate selfishness. We have the right to relax our fear
of others and we experience our progress emotionally. Hey, recovery is great! We
begin to experience curiosity, openness and positive expectations daily. Fear
after fear bites the dust. The healing that we feel on the inside allows us to
become more open to others. The objective of ongoing recovery is to keep the
growth process alive and happening daily.
Practicing
principles is the best way to achieve ongoing recovery. When someone complains
that they feel like they are not growing in recovery, one of us must remind them
that it usis
their choices that make up their lives. It may be that they have slacked-off on
some aspect of their spiritual maintenance but may never look for it unless
guided to it by someone who cares. When we each get back to what is important to
us, we see colorful and vivid images instead of the usual bland, gray world. We
can not always hit our own 'reset button' and we soon learn that our need for
one another is very real. Clean addicts are the ultimate weapon in our fight to
get a second life. Through them, we see the world with new eyes. Doors open to
us. Solutions and fresh ideas spring into our minds.
In
NA, we are learning to change �who we are� on the inside so we can live
better on the outside. Like active addiction, recovery develops its own
momentum. Coming face to face with oneself has never been easy and searching for
the truth is even harder. It begins with a simple acknowledgment that we have a
disease and we need help from others like ourselves. If we have the benefits of
accepting the disease concept and have done a complete First Step, we find it
easier to recognize when our disease pops up no matter how much time we have in
recovery. As individuals, we may have many pet theories about the disease
concept but our combined experience is available at any meeting. If we find
ourselves depressed for no apparent reason, we need to re-evaluate our lives.
Asking for help is a good way to start and is the best way to keep getting help.
With this help, we may see that we have resentment against someone who has
harmed us but we do not want to cause harm in return. Our disease makes it hard
to ask for help because it would rather keep us angry or confused. We give up,
show up, sit down, but most importantly we do not pick up a drug or some
substitute. Our basic choice in any situation is either freedom or bondage but
it is only available if we can see the choice is ours.
We
had searched high and low for the ultimate meaning of life in the belief that it
would give us the elusive feelings of control or understanding. We were
convinced that finding that elusive prize would allow us to settle down, take
root, and break our self-destructive patterns. We never took the time nor gave
ourselves a chance to heal. This may sound like someone in this stage of
recovery is neglecting their program. That's not true! They work steps, expand
their understanding of the Narcotics Anonymous Program and most importantly stay
clean. However, there is more to learn on this path of recovery. Most often, we
have to slow down, not speed up, to get with the program.
We
find ourselves in crises yet may not even realize that we often create our own
crises. Some of us have become accident-prone to justify getting and taking
medication. We may fight with people for no good reason and experience that
familiar hung-over sensation even without using drugs. When we lived our lives
based on lies, we experienced pain and destruction. When we use truth to guide
our lives, we find joy and freedom. Once we understand this concept, we can
apply it in all areas of our lives. The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions are
the keys to living free from our addiction. In Narcotics Anonymous, miracles
happen when we know what we need to do and find the strength to do it. It
doesn't matter whether our natural response is to �rage� outwardly or
�stuff it� inwardly, we must learn to manage without using drugs. This is
part of what we call having a choice. We claim the right to determine our
reactions to people, places and things that used to control us. This is why
spiritual growth is so important to our recovery.
When
we finally surrendered to our addiction and worked the First Step, we fully
expected the world to come crashing down around us. The First Step tells us that
if we continue to remain alone - we will suffer from the horrors of addiction:
degradation, dereliction, insanity and death. We have run for so long that we
thought our anonymity shielded us from destruction. When we admitted that we
could not manage our lives, we see some opportunities for change. We begin to
see change as a solution that is spiritual in nature and will allow us to live
happier lives. Some of us will not get through this period clean. Those addicts
who relapse often have a hard time coming back and staying clean. Remorse over
what they have thrown away causes them to dwell in the past and abandon the
present. The addicts who make it back are the ones who can humble themselves,
return to the basics and start living their lives anew. It is difficult, but it
is better than the alternatives. Addicts,
who have put together some time after such a relapse, tell us they realize that
their recovery is something they can never take for granted. The relapse process
begins whenever we chose to practice the reverse of the recovery process. If we
do not go to meetings, read the literature, and spend time with recovering
addicts - we have begun negotiating the relapse process. The more we continue to
leave off the things that work, the more certain we can be of the outcome.
Relapse will occur.
The
thoughts of using come to many of us frequently during early recovery. These
thoughts can seem so real that we can almost taste the stuff. Some addicts even
fantasize themselves right out of the rooms. We must accept that using thoughts
are common to us and realize that we are not alone or unique when we experience
them. It is quite normal for such thoughts to come especially during emotional
crises. Some say that the time to worry would be when this did not happen.
Arguments, the death of a loved one, losing a job, separation or divorce are
some of the more recognizable situations that seem to trigger these thoughts.
Many members share that sometimes they have these thoughts simply because they
heard a familiar song on the radio, a blizzard hit town, or they ran into an old
friend. We may find ourselves on dangerous ground because we find that our
reservations actually increased our desire to use. Many have relapsed not
realizing that this selective fantasizing is what took them out.
Even
if we do not use, we can still give our addiction power. Becoming obsessed with
multiple relationships, gambling, food, work, perfectionism, adrenaline
addiction, danger highs, stealing, road rage, abuse, manipulating others, lying,
or buying things to make us feel better robs us of our strength. We must face
the truth. If we do not surrender and renew our commitment to recovery, we will
be lost. The disease of addiction rules through fear and deception. We become
convinced that we are alone and that the only answers lie in escape,
manipulation and control. Giving up the burden of our secrets is essential to
ongoing recovery. Looking within, we find many unfamiliar emotions. We must feel
and work through these emotions, we have to grieve and rejoice or cry and laugh.
Working the Steps, we write about the situation, how we feel, how things came to
be, what it looks like and how we would like to see it resolved. It may take
quite some time before we feel �back to normal.� Maintaining close ties with
our sponsor and home group during this phase of recovery is invaluable. We find
support among our fellow addicts. Taking care to be good to ourselves, we accept
where we are right now and love ourselves for who we are. We get to the other
side of the situation and find that we have grown from the experience.
Sometimes,
we felt like we were emotional spastics when we arrived in NA. We were unable to
concentrate and often had sudden and severe mood swings. Our episodes of using
were disrupting our living pattern and the disease was preventing any personal
achievement through the distraction of using. We have learned that false pride
and an over-inflated self-image is precious, especially if we have nothing else.
It seemed that while others were building up their lives, we were in a
destructive mode and repeatedly attempted to destroy our life. We try to evade
uncomfortable emotions by denying their existence. However, when avoiding these
emotions, we are not facing our fears. This is like bandaging a wound without
cleansing it. The problem will only fester and come back, forcing us to deal
with it later. Instead, we observe how our newly found courage transforms itself
into trust. We find the ability to share things with others that were impossible
in the past. The fear of others knowing us for who we are has left us. This
principle of trust is evident in our meetings. We observe people taking risks
and sharing things that are pleasurable as well as painful.
Often
NA members face challenges that can shake them to their very core, especially if
there are other life changes going on such as career changes, geographical
relocations, health problems, divorce, death or marriage. Many addicts
experience emotional extremes during these times. Some recovering addicts have
said that life's problems and feelings seem worse than when they were using
drugs, but they stay clean regardless of how bad it gets. For some, issues from
the past such as sexual or physical abuse, pent-up rage or growing up in a
negative environment come to the surface. It is common to feel off-balance even
when we are working hard at our recovery. We hear others share their pain as
well as embarrassing truths about themselves. A part of us cringes as we realize
that they are sharing our secrets. A part of us waits for others in the group to
condemn and ridicule these secrets. When this fails to happen, it helps us trust
the group with our feelings. As we experience the love that other NA members
show us, we experience the filling of that inner void. We feel the emotions that
others go through to get clean and stay clean and this gives us the courage that
we need on top of our desire for recovery. Sometimes the feelings that others
share can remind us of what we will go through if we drop away from the program
of recovery and return to active addiction. This is usually when many of us get
a sponsor and actually begin working the Twelve Steps on a deeper level. We have
tasted the fruits of recovery and we want more.
A
woman in the program lost her young son in a tragic accident. She told of
experiencing hurt at the hands of addicts who meant well, but lacked the tact
and compassion to help. "Within two weeks after his death someone said,
'You have suffered with this long enough, it's time you work the Steps and turn
it over.'
"When
they told me that, I felt like they were saying that I should just forget my son
and move on. Well, I can't do that! I was working Steps, just to face each day
and not go over the edge of insanity because I was hurting so badly. I'm sure
God will heal me in time, but how long it takes is between God and I."
The
addicts giving advice probably meant to help her. They were sharing things that
they knew worked and may not have gotten to the sensitivity part. Nonetheless,
an injury occurred because of someone's ignorance and insensitivity. We may be
blind to the distress of others because sometimes empathy is painful. As hard as
it is to watch someone suffer, we have found that a kind word and a warm hug are
more healing than the best-intentioned advice. We often discover during these
difficult times that we exhibited a greater measure of faith than we knew we
had. We have been living Step Three in our lives. Our faith told us that
eventually the bad feelings would pass and they had. Some of us may be dealing
with years of repressed hurt and anger. Many say that the courage we use to face
these feelings is the same courage that we find when it is time to do a Fourth
Step. We hang on knowing that the God of our understanding will carry us
through. The care of a loving God takes the sting out of the emotional pain.
At
its best, the Narcotics Anonymous Fellowship is like a loving family. A bond
exists between the members of the fellowship that is similar to the relationship
between siblings. This bond develops out of our need for others who have found
recovery from the disease of addiction by living the NA way of life. When we
discover how many people care about us, we can begin to open ourselves up to
their help. In this way, our lives expand and we grow spiritually. We are part
of the miracle of recovery. We fear placing trust and faith in other people and
usually with good reason. When we trust that God is working, not only in our
life but in the lives of others as well, we begin to relax. We need to remember
that when we seek help from others, we are not depending on them to meet our
needs. They help us overcome our old behavior by sharing what worked for them.
The difference is that we are no longer asking anyone for anything that we can
do for ourselves. Addiction allowed and even encouraged us to drift into a
pattern of excessive personal obsession. The more we used - the more we resented
anything and anyone that demanded to be in front of the drugs. The resulting
loneliness and desperation were driving forces when we sought help. Many of us
relapse, not even realizing that one of the major obstacles to recovery are the
lies that we tell ourselves and actually believe. After coming to Narcotics
Anonymous, we learn that honesty, open-mindedness and willingness are
indispensable to recovery. We all nod our heads in agreement when this
discussion takes place in meetings. Upon closer examination, we may find that we
still have a life based on lies. We still use these lies to justify and
rationalize our sick behavior patterns.
All
people have a tendency to surround themselves with like-thinking people. This
confirms their opinions whether true or false. Addicts are more susceptible to
this behavior. The disease of addiction causes us to defend or justify our
position when we hear key words, phrases or anything that makes us feel
uncertain about our beliefs. This results in isolation. We continue on this
course unless an obstacle such as pain deflects us or unless a force greater
than we are draws us in another direction. We must learn to tolerate
imperfection whether it is in others or ourselves. If we continue to isolate
ourselves from recovery, the results can be dramatic and even lethal. In
recovery, we relax, become a part of and check out all the possibilities.
Today,
we have a solution to this problem - it is called �thinking things all the way
through.� This means that instead of trying to force the thought out of our
minds, we continue with the fantasy and make sure to include the pain and
despair that comes with using. We remind ourselves of our frantic struggles for
money, loss of friends, withdrawal, trouble with the law and major health
problems. When we force ourselves to think things through, we can see both sides
of reality and we increase our desire to stop using. Many of us find that these
using thoughts came less often after we began practicing this new tool of
recovery. As we confront our reservations, our mind begins to comprehend that we
do not want to use under any circumstances. Events that once triggered obsessive
behavior only cause a passing thought today. God gives us the power to recover
the NA way.
Others
have learned how to address today's problems, thereby eliminating tomorrow's
catastrophes. These NA members have a solid foundation in the Twelve Steps, a
sponsor and a home group from which they continually draw strength and
experience. They have an active reliance on a loving God. Good times and bad
times happen in recovery as they did in our active addiction. The difference is
that we have the ability to make the most of our good fortunes today.
Furthermore, we learn to work through tough situations without making them
worse. Our job as recovering NA members is to remember that we have this ability
and to use it daily. This new surrender to the Steps can often instill a lasting
feeling of well being within us. We now recognize, that no matter what happens,
we can stop the insanity by humbling ourselves and letting the God of our
understanding guide us through troubled times.
Once
the obsession to use leaves us and our lives stabilize, many of us get involved
in activities outside the Fellowship. Some of us seek to increase our conscious
contact with God through religion or other spiritual practices. We spend more
time with our families. We may become active in community volunteer work,
elections, government, social responsibilities, scouting, parent organizations,
coaching sports teams, etc. Some members say, because of their recovery, they
have taken up hobbies for the first time. Things that we have turned into a
series of increasing difficulties reduce in size as recovery progresses.
Surrendering to the reality of our addiction provides us a way to escape that
addiction. All these activities are positive outlets and necessary to forming a
well-rounded life. Unfortunately, we have seen many members disappear from the
Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous while in the pursuit of money, property and
prestige.
Others
may �float out the door on a cloud of religious zeal.� Instead of allowing
their involvement in outside interests to complement their recovery, many
thought it could replace it. Removed from direct contact with other addicts, it
is often easy to fool ourselves into thinking that we're in control of our
lives. We may even tell ourselves, "Sure, NA saved my life and helped me in
the beginning but now I'm ready to live a normal life. I just don't have time
for the things I used to do."
One
addict shared: "For seven or eight years I was actively involved in
Narcotics Anonymous. As time went on, I became interested in doing more outside
the program. With the skills I'd learned through countless service positions and
committees, I discovered that �normal� people wanted me involved with their
projects too. Before long, I was active in local politics, participating in
charity fundraisers, and sitting on several not-for-profit boards - all at the
same time. It was service burnout all over again!
"Besides
my volunteer activities, I had picked up a couple of hobbies that turned into a
part-time business. I was also trying to stay fit by working out at a gym
regularly. With all this new responsibility, I just didn't make time to go to
meetings or call my sponsor anymore. I didn't 'quit' NA,NA;
I just never made it to meetings. I wasn't too concerned though, after all, I
was still clean and had an impressive resume of good deeds I was doing. The
longer I stayed away, the harder it was to return.
"After
two years of sporadic meeting attendance, some situations arose that got me
coming back regularly. Upon my return, I discovered that I had regressed in my
recovery much more than I had thought. I was more judgmental toward others. I
had redefined my standards for honesty and other spiritual values. Where I once
felt at ease, knowing I was in God's care, I had begun to feel threatened by
other people or situations. The irony is that these changes were so subtle that
I didn't recognize them until I became an active member again.
"Now
more than two years have passed. I realize that active involvement with steps,
sponsor and a home group has to be a lifetime commitment. I still have outside
interests and activities, but they don't take priority over my recovery anymore.
While I can probably lead a normal life, I will never be normal. I will always
be an addict. The required treatment for my progressive, terminal disease is
participation in Narcotics Anonymous."
Many
members wander off and stop going to meetings. They might receive visits or
telephones calls and give assurances that everything is all right because they
are not using. Their emotional and spiritual needs seem to be met within the
family setting, a church or some other group of people. This might have worked
for a while but the rest of us in the program need to know what they learned
that helps them. They may need us, even if they avoid us. They take their
program with them as they grow and explore their new lives. The problem is that
they tend to forget to come back and share with us what they found useful to
them. In NA, we specialize in sharing information on recovery from the disease
of addiction. Of those who drift away, very few say that their lives are better
without NA, even if they did stay clean. Occasionally we may encounter one of
our absent members. They tell us that they are doing well; but many times, after
some conversation, the old familiar feelings of loneliness, disconnection and
isolation come out. Many of those we talk to relate a sense of aimlessness and a
feeling of not being useful. Grateful indeed is the addict who makes it back
from a walkabout or a relapse.
They
realize Narcotics Anonymous provides us with a sense of community, a higher
purpose for living and a proven spiritual path. Others face hardships in
recovery, but never leave the program. Fear, hopelessness and despair can seem
to overtake us. This is all stuff we have to deal with clean. While these
troublesome times may seem like our darkest hour, they can often be catalysts
for growth.
No
matter how much clean time we have, or what our specific problem is - we always
begin with the principle of surrender. Surrendering to the truth is still the
basic building block of our recovery. By reaching out to NA members who care
about us, we can ease our pain and confusion. Through prayer and trusting the
God of our understanding, we find new strength and wisdom. Inventory is a
valuable tool we use often. It helps us see things as they really are. Our path,
once dark, is now illuminated. Most of us come through these experiences more
humble, more grateful and more peaceful than we would have ever imagined.
Recovery begins with surrender. We no longer feel the need to continue proving
that our beliefs are correct. We surrender our fixed ideas and belief systems to
the God of our understanding. We have the choice between love and fear. If we
are vigilant with honesty, open-mindedness and willingness, we soon find that
God is moving us in a new direction. We might hesitate when letting go of old
practices because there is a certain comfort and security in familiar pain. God
will supply the direction and courage we need for change. It would be cruel and
not very loving of God to bring us this far to let us down. We begin to find and
embrace a new lifestyle that is based on God's will for us.
Denial,
discovery, curiosity, recognition and identification are stages that we go
through in discovering that we suffer from a disease. Sometimes we fight this
discovery. Taking a closer look at how we think and respond to situations gives
us a new perspective. This insight teaches us new ways to approach whatever
might confront us. From this perspective, we work outward and see how addiction
came to touch every part of our lives. As we grow in recovery, we observe
constantly in order to change our lives. Some of us came to meetings in our
early recovery because we were afraid of what would happen to us if we did not.
Eventually we kept coming back because the recovery itself was so attractive. We
notice when others become stable in recovery. What we have learned is reinforced
when we actually witness it working for others. Before long, we believe that we
too can get better. Our hope grows into faith and our commitment to stay clean
gets stronger. We come to meetings today because we want to. We like the
feelings that we get from sharing and listening to other addicts. We are able to
form deep, impressive, and lasting memories that assist us in readjusting our
viewpoints and actions.
If
we do not take something into our bodies, we will not have to deal with it
later. The similarities between food and other forms of consumption are endless.
If something makes us sick, we stop eating it. If we are sick, we examine what
we have been eating. If we discover something has been making us sick, we give
ourselves permission to stop eating it. When something like this comes up and we
have trouble stopping, we work all Twelve Steps on the subject, including
helping others if we want ongoing relief.
As
we acquire time and experience in recovery, we find that our reliance on the God
of our understanding grows. Some of our older members talk about being in a
constant state of prayer � in other words, living the program in all that they
do. These members appear as though nothing on earth could shake their serenity.
Impossible as it may seem that deep and abiding peace is within the grasp of
every one of us. Most of us have had these spiritual moments when we felt
completely in the care of our Higher Power. These feelings often follow an act
of surrender, such as taking a Fifth, Seventh, or Ninth Step. This inner peace
may only last a few minutes or a few days but it is not easily forgotten once
experienced. Much of our work in recovery is an effort to return to and maintain
that state of mind. Each time we choose God's will over self-will,self-will;
we are moving closer to a state of serenity. Each time we help someone else and
expect nothing in return, we add joy to our lives. Each time we do a good deed
without telling anyone about it, we learn humility and find peace. Each time we
sit alone and look within for our Higher Power's guidance, we gain wisdom and
power. Each time we face our fears and do what is right, in spite of the
consequences, we gain courage. When we give love to others and ourselves, we
find ourselves loved in return. The recovery process teaches us how to practice
these principles in all our affairs, �our thoughts, our deeds and our
actions.� The longer we stay at it, the better it gets.
We
must learn that mastering our feelings, thoughts, and emotions is not copping
out, denying personal responsibility or living in someone else's expectations.
We learn that we are becoming ourselves when we focus on our mind, spirit, and
our personal likes and dislikes. We begin to experience the peace and definition
that comes with this process. Reality begins to develop for us, this time as a
friend and ally, not an adversary. Our fear of this process held us in limbo,
perpetually bound, weakened and it prevented our healthy growth. Once we believe
that others do care about us, we can open ourselves up to their help. Many of us
were afraid for a long time, always hiding from reality, but today we have
courage. This is how our lives expand and we experience spiritual growth. We
found that when we stop running, the world stops chasing us. We thought that the
world hated us and was in pursuit to hurt us. Active addiction would not allow
us to see that those who cared for us loved and missed us.
Today,
we can look at life's events and ourselves realistically. Through effort and
application, we find God's Will revealed to us moment by moment. We stop placing
expectations on other people and situations and practice acceptance instead. We
realize that everything that happens to us, both good and bad,
is only another lesson in living. Each morning we begin our day by asking God
for knowledge of His will for us and for the power to carry it out. We know that
the God of our understanding is in charge. Our lives are better and things are
good. We asked for guidance and now we act on that guidance.
Therefore, we have fewer crises. Each night we end our day by expressing gratitude for all that we have experienced. By working with others, we keep our perspective of the Program fresh and invigorating. We feel connected to the world and celebrate the joy of living. We are grateful for every moment because we are alive, we are clean and we are free.
6.30.09
persons have visited this page since January 3, 2008
Reprinted from the
N.A. FELLOWSHIP USE ONLY
Copyright � December 1998
Victor Hugo Sewell, Jr.
NA Foundation Group
6685 Bobby John Road Atlanta, GA 30349 USA
404.312.5166
[email protected]
All rights reserved. This draft may be copied by members of Narcotics Anonymous for the purpose of writing input for future drafts, enhancing the recovery of NA members and for the general welfare of the Narcotics Anonymous Fellowship as a whole. The use of an individual name is simply a registration requirement of the Library of Congress and not a departure from the spirit or letter of the Pledge, Preface or Introduction of this book. Any reproduction by individuals or organizations outside the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous is prohibited. Any reproduction of this document for personal or corporate monetary gain is prohibited.