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When It Works: 12 Basics
Twelve Principles of NA
PRINCIPLE
ELEVEN - UNCONDITIONAL
LOVE
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spirit well-God will handle the rest.
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Our Middletown, Connecticut NAWOL group is honored to be part of the
process. We have no expectations
other than staying in the process and possibly helping other addicts.
"Unconditional love is given where we sense our spirit
in another human being.�
Unconditional
love is a spiritual principle acquired by addicts who are willing to work the
twelve steps of Narcotics Anonymous and apply them in their lives. In order to love another human being without conditions, we
must first learn to love ourselves. We
must first clear the wreckage of our past in step five by sharing the exact
nature of our wrongs with another human being. We must get freedom from the defects that have been
robbing us of our dreams in steps 6 and 7.
When our defects are removed, we have more room in our spirit for the
assets that help us love ourselves and others.
Instead of judging others, we accept them. Instead
of taking credit for supposed selfless service, we quietly and humbly serve
Narcotics Anonymous and expect nothing in return except continued freedom from
active addiction. We
demonstrate a greater sense of empathy for addicts who are still sick and
suffering when we have let a higher power remove our own pain and suffering.
Then, and only then, will we be able to receive the benefits of loving
another human being despite their actions and behaviors.
This is a spiritual process that requires spiritual work.
The spiritual work is done with a loving sponsor who is there to guide us
through the twelve steps.
Unconditional
love, like empathy, goes beyond simply telling another addict we love them.
We must actually demonstrate this love through action.
We must take the time to talk to members after the group and share our
experience, strength, and hope with the solution so they too can get the freedom
we feel. We must answer the
telephone even when we would much rather be watching our favorite TV show. We must give rides to those members who don�t have cars and
actually listen to their problems with a loving heart.
When an addict is sharing off topic and complaining about how
horrible their life is, we need to remember that we too were newcomers.
We too entered the doors of Narcotics Anonymous bent and broken from a
life riddled with fear, anger, guilt, and lost dreams.
In Narcotics Anonymous, we rely on our members who have obtained
unconditional love through the twelve steps to demonstrate empathy towards these
addicts. We must love them if we
are to continue to experience the freedom we�ve obtained.
Our Unconditional
love comes from our recognition of addictive pain and the spiritual
desire we find in one another. Like many of our terms, unconditional love takes
on a special meaning for addicts recovering in NA. This principle lets us
explore the hearts of one another. We increase our capacity to live by what
we find there. increasing
our willingness to help still sick and suffering addicts.
Not only do we demonstrate unconditional love for the newcomer, but also
to old timers and �inbetweeners� who are simply going through a spiritual
storm in their life. Unconditional
love means that we do not place expectations or limitations on our love. When we give unconditional love to an addict we are totally
oblivious to age, race, sexual practices, religious backgrounds, clean time and
looks. All we need to know is that
you are an addict!
The
spiritual growth we find leads to an elusive empathetic
understanding that seems to come just when we need it. We realize that whatever
form it takes, our disease continues to focus our attention on externals,
misguided attempts to change others,
and a lack of
effort to take care of our own spiritual condition. We avoid
responsibility and stop
doing the things that make us feel good. Recovering our shattered selves with spirituality lets us grow anew from within as
we start to share and care the NA Way. As our experience and knowledge of applied spirituality
increases, we can more often see into the heart of things. We can more easily
'read between the lines' and utilize our intuition to help someone find what is
bothering them. We do this by waiting until they ask for help. It is good to bide spend
our time with addicts who
are seeking help or
else we are intruding and they won't forget our interference. Once they ask, we
can help. In many cases, we back off, knowing we're powerless until they ask. In
many other cases, we are able to act on faith and play the roles of helpers,
caring listeners, truth tellers, principled persons, selfless givers and
occasionally take stands that are spiritually meaningful.
To
do these things, we turn a portion of our attention inward and begin to ask
questions about what we believe and why we do things. Along the way, our
understanding passes a point where we realize the love, generosity and help we
have received - yet
were unable to recognize or acknowledge. After this realization, our attitude
towards the needs and suffering of others is more generous. When we realize how
much we've been helped, we feel embarrassed not to pass on what others gave to
us. The idea of pride, arrogance, or
expectation of getting
things in return for
our work becomes ridiculous. where We can see ourselves as the holders of spiritual truths that came
directly from the God of our understanding. We cannot personally control or lay
claim God's grace.
Awareness
of the loving nature of and the
reality that surrounds us doesn't blind us to the ignorance, cruelty, and
selfishness that still exist in the world. The roles we play can reflect our new
viewpoints and general awareness. We become able to see differently. Our insight
enables us to make loving choices within our means and based on extending the kind of love and caring that helped us find
the clean life.
The
limitations of language obscure the sometimes painful fact that even
`unconditional love' is dependent on certain factors beyond our control. This
love may be in our hearts yet unable to find expression. Receipt of this love is
usually depends on the openness of someone asking for help.
One condition is that the person
we would enjoy helping is open to our help. We are all too familiar as addicts
with the pain of well-intended intrusion. Sometimes we feel like an exhibit at
the zoo. To intrude on someone unasked is presumptuous and more likely
to trigger retaliation than gratitude. Our
love can only be given to those who are willing to receive it.
Another
condition is that the time is right for sharing. We
need to understand that a
person doing things that are bound to have disastrous results are
going to happen
regardless of our actions.
The person that is
causing chaos in their lives might not know how serious there actions can be.
view, may think
they're in no need of
help. Any effort on our part beyond a gentle comment or two may
seem insulting and egotistical. If we wait until they're in pain and
desperation, they may pass beyond all help. All we can do is share our
experience, strength and hope. By praying to be ready and available, we are
sometimes there at the exact moment when a person is open to help and asks for
it. There are no coincidences in Narcotics Anonymous.
Perhaps
one more condition should be brought into this rare and inspiring form of love.
It is that we do share from our own experience and not wander into the role of
savior. Our spiritual condition is important: God works the miracles and gets
the credit, not us. The trap here is that if we see ourselves as the doers, even
if we really help someone, we will sustain an injury to our spirits. The love we
give does not make us better
than create
in those we help. It would be a case of our
us pushing God
away from the controlling role in our lives, canceling out our Third Step of
recovery. We will find ourselves seeking greater challenges, isolated and
eventually in serious need of help ourselves.
Also,
setting ourselves up as saviors makes us ideal targets for
our character defects to come roaring back into our lives.
Our job is to help, not to find fault.
for the disease in others to find fault with us.
We can not expect ourselves to be perfect, but we must consider God�s
will when helping addicts. Our failure to be perfect can be used by the addictive trait to
discredit our recovery! Our
only perfection consists of honest and complete surrender. Then, if we are
attacked, we can laugh at the strange turn of events and the foolishness that
makes it hard to actualize the best of intentions.
The
gathering of spiritual knowledge leads eventually to a great and lasting
simplicity. We spend les time figuring out when we are powerless. Lack of
confusion and wasted effort help our love reflect that simplicity. We may do the
right thing just because it seems like the right thing to do!
Love
expands our life as hatred restricts it. Through love, we can go more places,
meet more people agreeably with an honest smile, and do more
things with them
that demonstrate unconditional love.
Increasingly, hatred cuts us off from others, leads us to avoid certain places, and limits
our ability to succeed. If
we want to gain the principle of unconditional love and truly feel the heart of
another addict in ours, we must do the spiritual work.
The spiritual work is the working of the twelve steps with a Narcotics
Anonymous sponsor. The solution to
all of our problems in Narcotics Anonymous are the twelve steps so it makes
sense that they are also the key to
eventually grasping the spiritual principle of unconditional love.
[7.20.08]
persons have visited this site since January 3, 2008
Reprinted from the
N.A. FELLOWSHIP USE ONLY
Copyright � December 1998
Victor Hugo Sewell, Jr.
NA Foundation Group
6685 Bobby John Road Atlanta, GA 30349 USA
404.312.5166
[email protected]
All rights reserved. This draft may be copied by members of Narcotics Anonymous for the purpose of writing input for future drafts, enhancing the recovery of NA members and for the general welfare of the Narcotics Anonymous Fellowship as a whole. The use of an individual name is simply a registration requirement of the Library of Congress and not a departure from the spirit or letter of the Pledge, Preface or Introduction of this book. Any reproduction by individuals or organizations outside the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous is prohibited. Any reproduction of this document for personal or corporate monetary gain is prohibited.