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From: Lori B.
Category: Category 1
Date: 12 Apr 2000
Time: 12:28:10
Remote Name: fctnts05c77.nbnet.nb.ca
I tend to agree that if not for a loving God we would be in real trouble,left to our own devices we would have destroyed ourselves long ago.I have come to a point in my personal recovery of great awareness of my suroundings and how they effect me internally.And,one of my greatest awarenesses is how internal controvercy tends to really make me feel sick inside,so I've tried to find the solution.And I've become increasingly aware of how hard it is to avoid things like gossip or the tearing down of other people.When I say to those who are bringing this stuff to me"I really don't want to hear this" I hear things like "oh Ms Spiritial"and "we all do it ,it's human nature".Lately everything I know has been up for revision,and expecially who I choose to assotiate with in my own life.I used to love to go out to coffee after meetings,and sit with people with cleantime,but I've found myself being much more comfortable with the new comers lately.They seem to have a lot less to say about other people and want to talk about the basics of recovery more.I no longer enjoy a good gossip session,due to the fact that I end up paying a big spiritial check afterwards.I have heard the excuses for alot of years now and I'm finally looking more for spiritial awareness than the acceptance of my peers.And I find that when I say the 3rd Step prayer with sincerity and regularity I can tolerate less negitive stuff internally.So I'm becoming more cautious of what I allow in my personal affairs.When I ask my H.P. to guide me in my recovery,its hard for me to believe he would lead me to a place where gossip and other such negitive behavior would be the order of the day.But more to a place where acceptance and love for my fellow members,just how and where they are, to be more what I need to practice.I tend to share on this issuse alot nowadays,and I'm wandering why me.I know how this has almost destroted me in the past and I've seen the look on others faces when I've been the one to hurt them with words, so I guess it's time I share my experiance,stenghth and hope on this one.I truely thank my Higher Power for my pain,because"how would I appreciate the sunshine if it was'nt for the rain".. In loving service Lori B.