[ Contents | Search | Post | Reply | Next | Previous | Up ]
From: [email protected]
Category: Category 1
Date: 31 Jan 2000
Time: 15:05:33
Remote Name: 202.9.133.176
Hi guys My name is mangesh and I m an addict. Well I was in a bombay area convention and I met saby and he gave me this web address coz I m 18 hr a day I m on the net. Well let me tell you guys site is awesome. I was in 2 minds to go for BACNA 2000 or not. I didnt go for 2 days coz I was too busy in my work. And last day I went and I was in my tears when I listen to thouse sharings. I mean I can see today how greatful I am. And I realize that time I have nothing to complain. When I came to NA I was 14yr old. Cound not understand this big words in NA. Used to feel uncomfrotale with olderly ppl. OF couse today it dosont; really make diff. Coz we are all an addict. thats it. And that time I had no hopes, I never felt taht I can do something In my life. I gave up my self respect, I gave up my morals, and never when I came to the fellowship I saw all relailty and I was depress. Full of guilt. Full of fear to face world. But still I was sure that NA is there for me. I knew that I m gonna get help from these guys. I asked for it and I got it belive me. In recovery even I faced many bad times. Today 12 steps and traditions are most important thing in my life. I got clean at 29Aug 1994 and I guess first 3 yr I was soo much in to pain I can look back and feel that. My mom used to tell me u were better in using. I was not doing anything. I just wated excitemnet in my life. I mean without program my higher power was taking care of me I was clean but frustreted. and one day I was in bombay and I met one NA member who is closed friend of mine and First time in my life I shared honestly without any fear and hinding. and then I seen I was totally free. There was a huge burdone on me which just lifted. and then i started working steps with my sponcer started sharing. I then reallised that I m really greatful. I mean today i see that my desiese is so fucking powerful, when I don't use this tools i forget that i have this 12 point program i forget that I have this fellowhsip,i forget that I m alive today because of this felloship, and igot crazy. Today just accepting the fact that I m an addict and my des. is powerful than me. I m having a great time. Facing each and everything in life. earning my own money. Working hard studying. I never felt that I can do it in mylife. I never felt that I could have my own office. I m realyyyyyyyy greatful today. when I look back. Its not that there is no pain. Yeah there is lotta pain sometimes my project really sux but this prgoram so wonderful that each and every answer isthere. It just that I have to accept it though it will be againest my will. Today iknow it might give me a pain the results r gonna be good and thats gods will for me. Today if I don't practise the program I know God is gonna take care of me. I m very much sure abt it. But I wanna got with NA Way Of Life. That is much easier. Today I see that and even past drug was never a problem my attitude my personality or my disese was there. I wanted to feel diff. There was so much emtyness that i wanted to fill in. and i found that in drugs. Today drugs are not there. But I see I used food I smoke cig. or sex or whatever xyzee. and I m very well sure taht recover is a process its just that basic thing that I have to apply is pray, meditation, talking to sponcer and readying na books. and ohh yeah writing which helps me the most. Today I have a good job in a reputed softwrae compnay. I have my business which is grwoing in very short time. I mean the money part well I m greatful. But I m more greatful that I pugging my eforts. I m not getting carried on with some exciting issues in my life. I came to Know my priorities. and I know very veyr wll that Its not meeeee. . . I ts not mee. He is giving me all this msg. I mean I strongly belive that There is no problem in the world that my higherpower and I can't handle together. I don't need tofear. Coz I give all things to him. When I handit over there is nothing to fear. I mean its such a wonderful like I got in NA. wow. .. Today I can cry. I can express my feeling, my love. I can say my mom that I loe you. I don't feel shy for that. And again I know that this is not me. Again I feel that I* m greaful. I mean today I m hapy that I got opptunity to share my feeling with you guys. I mean its really great job. This forum is awesome let me tell you that. I will defenely wirte back. and look forward to even hear you. My e-mail Id is [email protected] do write me. I need to share. guys i will hang up now. U al take care. I love you : - ) {{{{{{hugz}}}}}}} Mangesh.