PERSONALITY CHANGE

What we need is a personality change. We came to NA fractured, broken, and self-centered creatures. Our sole purpose in life was our own gratification. We found that our ego and fear influenced our thinking. We justified the most outrageous behavior. We were devious, self-seeking, and childish people at the beginning of the recovery process. If we had found this out at our first meeting, we probably would not have hung around. Personality change is an evolutionary process that begins when we learn principles by working the Steps. This change continues as we begin to practice these principles in all of our affairs. Personality change describes the process that allows us as individuals to establish a new relationship with life. It is a process and unfolds before us when we learn to live the Steps and to apply the Traditions in our lives. We have found that one problem was self-centeredness and that service was the most useful tool that we have to deal with the problem. Unless we make conscious a choice and follow it up with daily action - our personalities will stay the same. The lack of change is especially visible in our behavior during and following highly stressful situations. Recovery allows us to focus on the process of change and encourages us to commit whatever we have in order to get results. When we begin to change, we also begin to experience a full range of emotions from joy to horror. We felt threatened by change in the past. Sometimes it's hard to relax and trust that personality change is for the best.

We wonder, "Which comes first? my behavior or my thinking,?" We wasted a lot of time in this debate before we even started the process. We find that there is not a generic formula that will work the same for everyone. Most of us have found that we need to attack our defects simultaneously. We have found that we must change our thinking as we change our behaviors. We have separated ourselves from the world with erroneous, ego-based, and self-created illusions. We have always acted out of fear, instead of love. One of these illusions was that victory over others was crucial to our success. This is an example of the type of dilemma that we have to face. We thought that there was a limited amount of good available in the world. We believed that the more we gain for us then the less there will be for others. Because of our twisted beliefs and fear, we think that when others are doing well - they are somehow cheating us. The insanity of this logic is that what we fear losing was never ours. We have found ourselves 'wishing away' the good of others. If this thought pattern remains unattended and stagnates, it can manifest itself in the negative behaviors of theft, lying, adultery, abuse, vandalism, or malicious gossip.

We must learn to be honest to begin this personality change. Many of us came into Narcotics Anonymous with a reputation for taking things that did not belong to us. We have justified our behaviors so often and well that we stopped feeling guilty about this behavior a long time ago. We discovered early in the recovery process that if we were ever going to stop using, we would have to change. We suddenly notice that we no longer put things in our pockets or purses that don't belong to us and we realize that change is happening. We go to meetings and share that we are trying to change ourselves by being more honest. We notice the way that others practice honesty in their affairs and we see that they seem to benefit from the routine. We write about our behavior in an inventory in order to get an honest and objective assessment. We can project a vision of life without this defect in our minds. If we like what we see, we then choose to practice changing this defect to the best of our ability. We make the commitment to practice honesty in all our affairs.

Three states of mind seem to dominate our lives: excitement, security, and boredom. If we get tired of the same old things, that is boredom. When we feel loved, cared for, and supported - we feel secure. We need to be vigilant when we feel excited or exceptionally good because there may be an element of danger present. Any of these states in excess can either annoy us or threaten our very existence. If this happens, we realize that we have a need for change. Serenity and spirited attention will allow us to move into a different state of consciousness, clean and without thought of personal loss or gain. Our basis of identity slowly shifts to other clean addicts seeking recovery. The NA Program, meetings, and the members of the Fellowship give us a new security. As we actively seek recovery, we experience the excitement that comes from our desire to escape from active addiction. Using had become the only way to cope but recovery has given us other choices. After we came into recovery, we found out that we were living in total isolation. We felt unique and alone. We were positive that no one understood us or even cared. From the beginning, the people in NA told us that we were important and that we were 'a part of' the Fellowship. They told us that if we surrendered, we would never have to be alone again. We felt hopeless in active addiction but in recovery, we observe people around us who are getting better. We hear them share their experience, strength, and hope. We start to believe that we will get better also. This belief helps us get the courage to put our hope into action. This is a great change for us.

Addiction limits our choices as to how we live. This lifestyle is dull and repetitious among other things. We meet our needs unconsciously. It can steal our spirit and health while making us feel insecure at the same time. Whatever excitement comes from the trouble in our lives, we find it quickly canceled by inconvenience and pain. We find that our pretense at happiness begins to wear thin and can no longer cover our misery. One method that our disease uses against us in recovery is that it makes us forget the pain of using and causes us to believe the lies that made us use in the first place. We may let ourselves glamorize our using instead of getting on with our program and working the Steps. Newcomers help us so much because our concern for their improvement tricks us into following our own advice and encouragement!

Our attempts to control things while using were futile and frustrating. We have made the decision to allow a loving God to care for us today. We can now entrust the situations and the people in our lives to the care of that God. We change from being manipulating and controlling people. We have learned to seek guidance and act on the suggestions that we receive. We have hidden the truth in the past, even from ourselves. We have lied and created false images. We thought that others would reject or scorn us if they really knew us. Today, we have gained the courage to be honest. We have found principles of recovery that are more effective for getting what we want than our addictive strategies were. Recovery can't happen if we expect this new life to happen when we cling to our old ideas and behaviors. As our thought patterns begin to change, so do our habits, actions, and reactions. We used to try things and fail but today, we try and we succeed. The bigger changes take time but we don't get discouraged because progress is steady and visible. The primary change is not using and then we gain momentum. In the past, we had a fear of change but today we welcome change. Addiction is a disease made up of deception and lies. We have hidden behind a mask for many years but in NA, we discover who we really are. We can stop trying to act as if we are someone else. We come to rely on a loving God to help us change with humility.

During active addiction, we caused great harm and were not willing to be accountable for that damage. In recovery, we can assume accountability for our past actions and we become freer to live in the present. Most of us have held grudges or resented the people and institutions in our lives. Painful regrets over things done or undone have tormented us. An important personality change is adding the principle of forgiveness to our character assets. We learn to forgive others and can ask for forgiveness from others when appropriate. Another change is that we were unreliable, undependable, and unpredictable during active addiction but we have learned consistency of thought and action. We now live with integrity. We revive hopes and dreams that we thought we had lost forever due to our addiction and each day is a new beginning. A loving God has given us the knowledge of our potential as well as the power to achieve it. We were once isolated and alone but we love and feel loved in return today. We've become a force for good in the world and we are now able to be of service in all of our endeavors. What a change this is from the way we once were! As we admit our need for change, it may help us to realize that our needs consist of two types of things.

We may feel that we are incapable of doing anything different in either case. When we feel the desire for change, determining the type of change that we need is half the battle. Our desires for change may first appear in an inventory. We learn to ask the God of our understanding to remove these defects and help us change. We are asking that God close some doors and open others. We have found that there is great power in doing this. God plants the seeds of solution among the problems of addiction. Clean time and practice allow these changes to embed themselves into our personalities. We become a living example of the principles that we practice. We can liken personality change to ordering from a menu of good things because we have the power of choice. We didn't give ourselves permission to make choices before coming to NA. In the early stages of recovery, we think that we want it all but after settling into our new life, we find that we only want a few things. This is freedom.

We have learned the principle of unity: that we are all connected to one another rather that separate. Love connects us and we demonstrate this love when we place 'our common welfare first' or surrender our will to a loving God. We come to understand that when one of us rises to a higher level whether emotional, spiritual, financial, physical, or mental that we are each slightly better off. We realize today that when we feel that someone seems to be doing better than we are in a specific area it doesn't mean they are taking from us. They merely light the pathway to success for us. They teach us by the example of their actions and results. As we learn from them and apply what we learn, we experience success. We become an example to others.

Imagine that we drew a road map of our life and we saw a place in the mountains where we wanted to go. We would need to consider whether our transmission could take the hills - if not, we should get some work done before undertaking the journey. If we want to cross the ocean or go on an adventure in the tropics we would have different considerations. We must evaluate, upgrade, or replace our equipment before beginning any journey. To attempt to do otherwise could result in great difficulties. A honest comparison of where we are and where we are going will allow us to begin to move in the direction that we choose. If our way seems blocked, we bring it up at meetings. We may need to give it some time before we give up. It may require that we get with someone more experienced to help us change into a person who can climb the mountain. What we have learned in recovery is beyond amazing for we have discovered that miracles occur daily.

We each have a picture of the world inside of us. This picture defines our relationship to everything else in the world. We gain the power through recovery to change this picture because we have come to terms with our powerlessness. We have gained the belief that our Higher Power can help us restructure our life. If we are unhappy in our work, we can either become a cheerful worker or change our job. Our clearing vision lets us see that the things we do are merely reactions that we learned during active addiction. We have learned that we can add or subtract anything to our personality that we desire. The physical portion of our personalities are how we react to and behave in life's many situations. The mental aspect is how our thinking guides our decision-making as well as the actions we take. The emotional or spiritual side is how we feel before, during, and after making decisions and taking the actions that we have chosen. Some of these changes can be extremely difficult. We don't give advice on any of these matters. We only offer the encouragement to try. We know well the reluctance to risk the pain of failure. We share what works for us with anyone who asks for it. The point is that we have found a way out of our addiction by walking through the maze of recovery. As we continue to make healthier decisions and pay for what we want, our feelings about ourselves begin to change. We feel increased self-esteem because we have one less thing about which we feel ashamed. We learn consideration and respect for others because we are no longer acting out on the self-centered defect of stealing from them. We recognize that the rewards of integrity, esteem, and a guilt-free conscience outweigh the temporary relief that the old behaviors could bring. Although our personal program for living is faulty when we arrive, the NA program gives us a set of spiritual principles that work. Over the years, these principles have withstood the personal tests of hundreds of thousands of addicts. Those who helped us have asked only that we help others in return. This is what we do here. First-time situations are the hardest for us to deal with because our minds quickly revert to the old way of thinking. It becomes a debate in our head over recovery on one hand and addiction on the other. Both are so powerful that it's easy to lose sight of self in this debate. Before we came to NA, we never even had a chance because we never saw anything but addiction.

First, we learn to try to visualize the alternatives. With the loving support of other people, we can stick our heads up a little and look around. The people in the meetings are our safety net. We get ideas that we can try from what they share because we relate to almost everyone in some way. Sometimes, what we share in an effort to help them may actually help us. Most situations do not require immediate action so we have to learn to go slowly, remembering that we are only human. This takes practice, but today we more quickly see the difference between our own thoughts and those of our disease. Through the Program of Narcotics Anonymous, we have learned that there is always more than one solution to a problem. Instead of trying to resolve everything on our own, we ask for help whether it is from our Higher Power or another recovering addict. Sometimes finding a 'safe place' is all that we need to do.

We have to identify our obstacles before we can try to get rid of them. From the beginning, we see that our present circumstances are the result of our reactions to what had happened in our lives. We knew that if we changed what we do that the results would be different. It is sometimes very difficult for us to see the connection between our actions and results when new to recovery. Our addiction distracts us from reality by causing us to become preoccupied with craving for sensations. It takes time to work the Steps and find ways to affect real changes. Recovery keeps us busy but we may soon find that we have more time than before. When life seems to trip us up and we fall on our faces, we now have people in our lives that will pick us up and help us dust ourselves off. We may need this reassurance before we really start thinking about and undertaking changes in our lives. We slowly begin to make the connection between our disease and our pain and in time, we will become more confident in dealing with blockages. Gradually, we change and our lives get different. Most of us have developed the perspective that our lives are better even when we are in the middle of difficulties. We practice doing the next right thing until it becomes automatic and then we practice some more. Soon we notice a difference in the way that others treat us as we change from broken-down, using addicts into trustworthy human beings. This is what we have always wanted and we are freed to become the people that God intended us to be.

Within the world of personality change, our old habit patterns are the gravity that cements us in our old ways and drags us down. Recovery is more than mere abstinence: it is searching for our very best that is deep down inside of us and being brave enough to let that goodness emerge. Goodness becomes our motivating force on a daily basis. This makes recovery uncomfortable at times yet thrilling at the same time. It's daring and risky to do new things. The leap of faith that we take when we admit that our life is unmanageable and the vulnerability that we feel demonstrates this. The willingness to question old beliefs that did not work well enough to keep us clean is another example. Letting God take care of our life and will is terrifying to the selfish and frightened people that we are. Practicing principles can be a little like flying a hang-glider or bunji-jumping especially when we are not used to them. They can be exhilarating and heart stopping at the same time. If you have never felt these feelings, you might be holding yourself back from the adventure that we call recovery. Don't miss out!

The God of our understanding leads us along the pathway toward fulfillment. We follow this path to the very best of our ability. This journey brings us peace of mind and continuous growth. Gladness inspires us to do more as our actions begin to inspire others. Our willingness expands in directions once unknown to us. Once we begin this journey, there are no limits to personal growth. There is no ceiling, only sky in every direction. Personal character and integrity are two of the main benefits that we get from these changes. Those who follow this path have unlimited opportunities to build and rebuild their character. What kind of character could we build while in active addiction? Today, we can build our character on a firm foundation with the tools of recovery and the Fellowship. It is sturdy and we can enjoy the warmth when we share with others. We will experience many firsts on this journey. The first time that a loved one challenges us and we can respond with love instead of hostility. The first time that someone confronts us with an error we made and we can tell the truth instead of blaming, denying, or lying. The first time that we have the opportunity at real responsibility and we are responsible.

If we find our pathway blocked, it may be helpful to re-examine our ideas. Open discussion may help us find the source of the resistance. Sometimes we may need to take a chance. If so, we must be willing to be wrong. If we have already waited for some time and see no good reason to act, we should get with other members and do a reality check with God's help. Looking closely enough at the past will help us recognize the future in time to change it. When our thoughts drift back to where we were and how we ended up here, we realize just how much we have changed. Our views, beliefs, and value systems have all undergone radical alterations. Before coming to NA, life was just something that we were passing through. Today, we work the Steps and practice spiritual principles in all our affairs and we see how much better our lives are. We learn how to uplift ourselves. Simple affirmations can raise our spirits and assist with our personality change. Some of us may read and study complex ways to raise our spirits. Do whatever you need to do to get results. Even after being clean for a long time, we have found that we still have problems and we still get moody.

Anonymity removes the labels that bind us to the limitations of our origins. Anonymity allows us to step out of those former boundaries. This is one reason why addicts are embarrassed when they begin change and attract compliments. Although a compliment is appropriate, we may still feel that we don't deserve approval. We have to relax old habits in order to change. Sometimes it seems like we are in a labeled area that tries to follow us into our new life whether we want it with us or not. It helps to remember that we have all had our share of living problems. All of us are capable of going further downhill unless we find a way out. We follow the instructions of the Steps in order to better ourselves.

Words conjure up mental pictures that trigger emotional reactions for us. The awareness of this chain of events helps us solve many emotional crises. We look at what is bothering us and determine when the distress began. We need to decide if the picture that we see adds value to our life. If not, we change it. In terms of recovery, no addict is better or worse than another is. This may be hard to see when you set a crack addict alongside a pot smoker, a drunk, and a heroin addict but it is true. Each of us has suffered and will get worse if we continue to use. Each of us will begin recovery when we stop using, even for one day. Other generalizations apply to us as well: things seem to be more difficult once the drugs are gone. Therefore we must be careful not to label others' abilities and efforts just because they are not on our time schedule. One of these generalizations is that we seem to grow from one level of ignorance to another and yet we believe that our most recent advance is the final level of all possible improvement. Another is that when we think we know it all, we have just begun.

Everybody has the right to stay the same. Until we are ready to change, we can withstand any sort of pressure, coercion, terrorism, or personal discomfort. The fact that some people experience lasting change for the better is a great miracle that we study and practice in NA. Flexing our emotional muscles a little by saying "yes" or "thank you" is how we start. We try toughening up if that is a change of behavior and we explore the differences clean. We look for different reactions from people when we say, "I am sorry" or "It won't happen again". We practice these things until we get the results that we seek. Sometimes, we may want to adjust our energy levels up or down. It's our freedom to change and our responsibility to adjust to living clean. We have found that the happier we feel, the easier it is to adapt to recovery. Our chances of ongoing recovery are greater if we start with the basics. We have the right to play new roles. Fear resides at the edge of our safety zone and we expand our existence by pushing fear back and enlarging our safe area. Freedom is not merely increasing our living choices from 'choice A' to 'choices A and B'. Freedom is getting to choose from the whole alphabet.

Obtaining freedom requires a great deal more than an understanding of the parts that make up a person. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Spiritual is a term that we define as 'beyond human capacity to understand'. We know when we are happy and when we are sad. When our spirits are high, everything seems possible. When our spirits are down, nothing seems worthwhile. Therefore, we can see the results of changes in spirit although it is like trying to make sense out of shadows on the wall. This gives us encouragement and faith to carve out a new life for ourselves. We can use NA slogans to teach ourselves how to achieve positive reactions. We integrate these slogans into our consciousness and they become part of our belief system. When we first came to NA, the slogans seemed like empty words. "Keep coming back," "If nothing changes, nothing changes", "In God's time not mine," "Let go and let God," and "Keep it simple" all have great importance in the lives of many addicts today. Narcotics Anonymous has truly changed our lives. While we were changing, other NA members allowed us to be ourselves and accepted us as we were. They say to us, "You're right where you're supposed to be", and although we don't have a clue where that is, we accept the reassurances and follow their suggestions until we understand.

This same process holds true for each asset or defect. If we want to feel more love, we express more love through acts of kindness and generosity. Sometimes we must forgive before we can show love. Forgiveness is the catalyst that cleans our minds and allows us to begin any day anew. It frees us from the disabling weight of fear, resentment, grief, or anger as it allows us to see the good that surrounds us. We think positive and optimistic thoughts in our daily encounters with others. Every thought is a prayer so we must be careful of what we ask. We pray with a clear mind and an open heart to obtain the knowledge of God's will and the power to carry that out. If our mind generates thoughts of love, our behavior will comply, and our spirit will soar.