WILLINGNESS

The drive for personal gain in all its forms is based on a fear of insufficiency. Past a reasonable point, this drive becomes obsessive and can create more problems for us than the things we accumulate are worth to us.

In our pasts, we were always losing things and replacement was a constant nagging problem. Most of all we tried to keep as much of our drug of choice as possible. In the end even this was running out. Our constant efforts to find and get more of the chemicals that had us enslaved created a lack of living skills we may need to regain in recovery.

When desperation born of obsessive need and compulsive usage of drugs against our will is removed, what is left to drive us? How do we manage? What is important enough to us now to keep us going? When our lives are washed clean of the more conspicuous aspects of our addiction, what do we do?

Do we become addicted to people, places and things? Do we substitute cravings for money, property and the good opinion of others in place of the old obsessions? Do we trade one obvious form of addiction for another that may be harder to detect as a living problem?

Many, many of us have done this. Recovery from the disease of addiction hasn't been around long enough to for all the repercussions to be taken into account. One thing seems safe enough to advance at this point though: Swapping addictions won't work.

Real freedom consists of being able to live without fear and pain as constant companions. In NA, we stress constantly that spiritual principles are necessary for ongoing recovery.

A lot of us grow complacent after the initial thrill of being drug free wears off. We want more. We isolate ourselves and hide our feelings from others - perhaps through a misguided fear of disapproval or maybe we're letting our addiction guide us into another pathway the disease is known to take.

Willingness is a principle because it allows us to get a grip on the fact that before change can occur, we have to give our permission. We have to stop holding aback inside. We have to relax our personal will with all its preconceptions and preferences so we can take a look at alternatives. When we want to select something new in our lives, the choice is up to us. Without our willingness, we never get to make the choice and remain tied up in many of our past limitations and habits.

The capacity to do our part in severing the ties to the past, our personal defects of character, bring us to the threshold of a new inner freedom. All we can do on our own is become willing to let the God of our understanding take over what is otherwise impossible for us.

Games of acquisition, control, manipulation, sabotage, projection, worry, revenge, resentment and character assassination are no longer necessary for those in the care of a loving God. The elimination of these and other limited defense mechanisms, frees up enormous amounts of time and energy for us to apply in positive ways.

Our willingness us really an extension of our initial surrender. For us to `come to believe' in a power greater than ourselves who can and will take care of our wills and our lives, we have to gain some understanding. Our old defenses grew up in the isolation, loneliness, despair and feelings of worthlessness that are the progression of our disease. A new life comes from learning new ways.

We will learn the infinite power of the truth. We will base our actions and goals on the miracles we find in recovery. Most, if not all, recovering addicts can remember numerous occasions where the principles of NA and recovery just didn't seem adequate. We went forward on faith and found our prior fears unjustified. Crisis after crisis failed to get us loaded or rob us of our inner faith and growing convictions. Even where we were forced to pay for crimes committed while we were still using, many of our members have been able to stay clean through incarceration. Severe medical problems have failed to assure relapse where our members were able to apply spiritual principles to the obstacles in their paths.

Money, property and prestige have the power to seduce addicts in recovery who may mistake the desire for personal gain for a blessing of recovery. Many of us who have sought these things to the exclusion of prayer, faith and meditation tell us of the addictive nature of these delusions. Instead of making us happy, they turned out to be an elaborate, attractive, socially acceptable trap.

Those who are able to withstand these temptations, succeeded by incredible luck or the direct application of spiritual principles. Somehow, in their hearts, they remained desirous of more recovery and maintained a spiritual way of life.

The Sixth Tradition implies a danger to recovery lies in money, property and prestige. Excess funds, obsessive accumulation of property and a concern that what others think of us that is greater than what we think of ourselves are definitely threats to spirituality. Where these things are seen as more real or more important than the God of our understanding, recovery fails.

These things ever divide and rarely unite people. Only with great humility, patience and tolerance have we survived the divisive, dispiriting effects of these three where we have grown - either as individuals or as local Fellowships.

While some of our guidelines, Traditions and policies of inclusion and openness may have seemed to hamper some of our members, the truth is that they only hamper our defects of character! These principles protect and to a certain extent assure our common welfare. Where spiritual principles fall into disuse and are seen as less important than NA `business', it is hard to tell the difference between members of our Fellowship and members of outside organizations. The distinguishing and ennobling love and spiritual empathy is lacking.

Those who put personal concerns ahead of our common welfare should be hampered. The willingness to allow God to use you as an instrument is crucial for addicts in recovery. Yet there is a big difference in the quality of feelings which come from selfless service as compared to selfish attempts to control others.

Perhaps the way to tell one from the other is to look for signs of surrender as opposed to sign of pushiness.

Willingness is an applied form of open-mindedness. It is the way we feel before we take actions based on faith. As we personally become able to let go of defects through willingness, we are able to put spiritual integrity ahead of concerns for money, property and prestige.